Generation NeXt Parenting

Too Thin? How do we teach our girls to be healthy?


Last week I saw an article on Forbes.com that dealt with failed attempts to rid the London fashion show of ultra-thin models.

Then this weekend I watched a room makeover show with my daughter. Now I know that not every six-year-old loves to watch these shows, but this particular episode was all about organizing an eleven-year-old girl’s room. What caught my eye, though, was the closet door covered with the women this little girl admired. It was literally covered with all kinds of actresses and supermodels.

That sight strengthened my vow not to subscribe to magazines that are filled with those images and role models. But it also got me to thinking about how hard it will be to keep my little girl from thinking the only “normal” way to look is pencil thin.

What’s a mom to do?

I’m not an expert, but here are a couple things I am trying to do now – at an early age – to give my little girl a healthy self-image.

1) I encourage her every time I see her make a good choice on clothes combinations. I love to watch her explore. One day she’ll match the color of the flowers on her jeans with the shirt she wears. Another day it’s an all black ensemble. Maybe not my first choice, but at least it matches.

2) I make sure she only has modest clothes to choose from. At six, she’s not able to tell that something isn’t stylish enough for her, and I can steer her away from the midriff baring styles. But it also means that I have chosen (totally my preference) not to let her wear bikinis now, because I don’t want to suddenly change the rules on her later.

3) I strive to reinforce that she is much more than the outside. We focus on her intellect, the gifts and talents God has given her, and the fact God and a lot of people around her love her simply because she exists. That love won’t change based on how she looks.

4) Finally, I try to set a good example for her. I watch what I wear. Is it consistent with what I want her to wear? (BTW she has great taste when picking out my clothes, too). Am I eating the right foods and giving her good choices? Am I demonstrating in the way I live that exercise is important? Are we taking those family walks when it’s not snowing outside.

So what do you do in your family to combat the world’s messages to your kids about how they look? I can’t wait to read your comments.

I haven't had time to write personal notes on my blogs lately. With holidays, three book projects (sent to my editors on time, praise God!), and kids' basketball games ... well, I have had no free minutes.

Yet, amazingly, as crazy as it seems, our home has had peace. Why? Because no matter how crazy my deadlines get, we take time for fun. For our family, basketball is fun.

Our kids play only one sport a year, and this is it. Cory and Leslie are both on varisty teams made up of homeschoolers. Since we live in rural Montana, basketball games means TRAVEL.

In fact this last weekend the kids played a total of five games in two different locations . . . for a total of twelve hours of travel!

We make fun family weekends of it, talking and laughing in the car, eating out, and staying in a hotel. Not to mention our BIG MOUTHS as we cheer our kids on.

John and I have discovered that the more we have fun, the more fun our kids have too. And if we're enjoying life, our kids have great attitudes. (Which is something to say for teenagers.)

As my grandma reminds me, "These are the best years of your lives." And I have to agree with her. And, I also hope, that even as my kids get older they will realize that no one should be too busy to enjoy life. To smile, laugh, and enjoy the people that matter most. No one.

There is so much media attention about the difficulties of raising children. (Just type in 'raising children' in Google and see what you get) How to do it, what not to do, what causes the problems we're seeing, whose fault it is, and so on. There are challenges unique to our generation when it comes to raising kids.

While researching and writing Generation NeXt Parenting, I collected comments and surveys from parents on a wide variety of topics related to parenting. We deal with worries that our parents' never had to consider, such as:

> media’s effect on young children

> how much Nintendo is too much

> how to fulfill our life’s calling while also raising kids

And those are just some of the minor issues—let’s not forget the more serious downward spiral of morality in America. If you’re like me, sometimes you may wonder just what type of world you’ve birthed your child into.

But it helps to remember that none of these changes in society are a surprise to God. He’s not surprised by Hollywood or Supreme Court decisions. He doesn’t shrug His shoulders in bewilderment over MTV or the ACLU. In fact, God not only knew what the world would look like in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s; He knew our place in it.
From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit
the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact
places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him
and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far
from each one of us. (Acts 17:26–27)

After all, being a generation
of parents in a high-speed and
morally confused world doesn’t allow for anything less.

Here are some comments from GenX parents about the difficulties of raising children in today's society:

Tiffany, Born 1976, 4 children: I really think one of the toughest things for me is everyone wants to try to convince me I am my child's best friend rather than a parent who is supposed to guide them in right and wrong. These days anything except being a total pushover to your children is viewed as almost abuse. But when your kids turn out like brats because they always get their way then you are a bad parent. Let's have expectations for our kids and consequences when they don't do what is expected.

Tanya: The easy access to sex and drugs. These things used to not be spoken of and were a big deal to get a hold of. Now everyone talks about it. Allthe kids in school are one time or another offered it. Maybe I was in the right crowd but I was never offered drugs until I was in high school and now it seems like kids are doing it in Junior High. The style ofclothing that is "in" now if also VERY uncomforting to me. Girls are practically wearing lingerie and to me asking for the sexual comments they get. Which is not want the parents want. I think a lot of parents now a days seem to give their children way more freedom then when I was growing up. Teens out until midnight and not even 16?

Rene, Born 1972, 2 children: For me, it's teaching the kids to be morally sound and genuinely nice in a world that is in moral decay and mean as ever. There are very few role models for kids outside their families.

Michelle, Born 1971, 4 children: The biggest challenge in raising children in today's society is media-not only does media challenge and oppose most of my moral values and beliefs, but because of media, the entire process of the brain is distorted from its original intent. Media interferes with learning and thought processes. It inhibits a child's ability to learn to entertain themselves, to problem solve, and to challenge oneself. It sends a message that entertainment is necessary, that boredom is taboo and that idleness is a way of life. Media is the biggest cause of today’s problems, not just with making immorality move from tolerated to accepted and then to expected, but also because it can lead to behavioral issues and hyperactivity.

Observations on the Holidays



On Holiday Parties: Under the right conditions during a holiday party, a chocolate fountain can rotate loose from its moorings and spin wildly, spraying chocolate for yards in a circular pattern. Chocolate is a viscous substance and does not wipe up easily. Chocolate sprayed on the wall, however, is easily accessible for dogs, or small children, to lick. For dogs, chocolate acts like a happy drug in their systems.

A chocolate fountain, finding itself in good humor from the previous catastrophe, will gladly repeat the offense a second time during the party, this time waiting just until the hostess comes to the table to get some food before it breaks loose and sprays all over the place. When this happens, it is perfectly acceptable to just walk away from the mess, change into a clean shirt, and sit down with an adult beverage to enjoy the rest of the party. The dog will help with the cleanup, anyway.


On Christmas Cookies: No matter how much time and effort you put into creating home-made morsels of love, the kids will prefer the store-bought versions of cookies they are used to. They will even ignore the lovely goodies sitting right on the kitchen table and actually scale several shelves up into the pantry to reach the shiny commercialized packages.

Christmas cookies left on the counter will also be ignored by one’s husband, who prefers salty snacks anyway. The choice is then whether the cookies will go to waste, or to waist. Vigorously perusing the ads for sales on elliptical machines, treadmills and exercise bikes in the newspaper while eating cookies will increase your heart rate but will not reduce caloric intake.


On In-Laws: No matter how much time and effort you spend cleaning your house and slaving over a hot stove, the in-grates (or is it out-laws?) will consume every morsel you prepare, not lift a finger to help clean up, and demand the very dessert they brought with them as a gift. Plus they will completely ignore you throughout the evening, never say thank you for the meal or your efforts, and when they leave they will comment that their own cooking is better. Not to mention that they never bothered to call to confirm they were coming over until your husband finally contacted them the day of the dinner, and when they did come, they brought extra uninvited guests with them. (True story.)


On Christmas Gifts: Toy manufacturers do not actually want children playing with their toys. What with all the twist-ties, plastic restraints, and industrial-strength tape in toy packaging, parents need a degree in engineering to remove said toy from said package. Hours later, when the toys are finally freed and assembled, the children will prefer to play with the twist-ties and boxes.

Neatness does not count with gifts for kids. Children don’t pause thoughtfully on Christmas morning to admire how carefully the packages are wrapped. It’s what’s under the wrap that matters. Providing that the parents can get the toys out of the packages for their children after all that neat wrapping paper has been ripped to shreds.

Stockings: it is unnecessary to wrap every little item that goes into the stockings. Not only is it frustrating and time-consuming, it just delays the whole process. Also: even if it’s been a family tradition for generations, putting a fruit in the toe of a Christmas stocking will only prompt an annoyed roll of the eyes. But it’s worth it just to see the irritated look on the children’s faces when they pull out an apple as their final stocking gift.

Giving a ‘bean box’ (a large container filled with dried beans, scoops, funnels and measuring cups) to a two year old with no history of throwing things, virtually guarantees that the two year old will suddenly discover a deeply repressed need to fling handfuls of dried beans all over the carpet, at the dog, her sibling, her parents, and into the heater vents.

And finally, whoever it was that came up with the saying, “It is better to give than to receive” never had days worth of picking up and cleaning to do after the whole gift-giving fiasco was over.

I just wanted to let you all know that I am still offering a free copy of Generation NeXt Parenting to groups (bible study, book club, parenting class) or individuals (reviewers, book buyers, program directors) who will help spread the word.

My publisher provided copies for me to do this--seed books if you will, and I'd love to see them get into the hands of those who could use them.

Also, I'd love to hear any creative ideas that any of you have for spreading the word!

...and here's a bit of generation X trivia:

“This was the generation, after all, for which the term ‘latch-key kid’ was coined. The end result was that Gen X put off marriage and having children in record numbers. Gen X helped push the average age of first marriage over 27 for men and 25 for women. In 1970, the median age at first marriage was 22.5 years for men, and 20.6 years for women. So far, the divorce rate for Gen X stands at an unusually low 8 percent, but if history is a guide, most would agree it’s too early in the marriage cycle of the group to get a proper read on its potential outcome.”

Sigh ... Thursday night at 11:31 p.m. ... I just finished the next book in the Gen X series. Generation NeXt Marriage!

Boy, was that a challenging book to write. The parenting topics in Generation NeXt Parenting were ones that you can talk about with any parent you meet at McDonalds.

The topics in the marriage book are a little more intimate. They are topics you talk about with a small group or a good friend ... if you dare. Generation NeXt Marriage will hit store shelves this fall. Until then, if you're itching gather with friends, Generation NeXt Marriage is a great book to start with ... there are even discussion questions in back.

Speaking of Parenting ... the photo is of my newest "child" ... our puppy Jake! Boy, is he a handful!