Guest Blogger: Allison WilsonGuest Blogger: Allison Wilson
I talked about first wanting two kids and then had my first who wore me out. We did everything conceivable short of surgeries to make sure we didn’t have more children. God had other ideas.
My daughter was born 6 ½ years after my first. I have to admit I sobbed when I found out I was pregnant because I had just started looking into going back to school for marriage and family counseling. Anyone who knows me knows that’s what I do, but don’t get paid for (smile). I had to quit college with my first and now a dream was breaking again. It took me a long time to get past the feelings of disappointment and into the joy of creating another life. God did it, not me.
Our little one, now not so little, is special in so many ways. She is on what’s called the Autism Spectrum. She doesn’t have Autism, but has many symptoms of it and other syndromes which lead to difficulties. She has a speech delay and currently only says about 25 words which a stranger could figure out.
On the other hand, she is EXTREMELY intelligent. Her memory is unbelievable. We found she liked to play with some cards from a book she had taken apart. There were about 28 or so in the stack and she would pick them up in the same order every time they were dropped. My husband got about 10 more cards, wrote down the order, and gave them to her. She played with them for about 5 minutes or so until we took them and scattered them on the floor. She picked every single one up in the exact order we had given them to her. We got up to 58 cards before we ran out of them, but she never missed a one. She was three.
She doesn’t get concepts. You can tell her something is hot or cold, but she doesn’t know what that means. She knows if she touches something that hurts her, but to put the label hot on it goes right over her head. She also has sensory integration disorder. She is UNDER sensitive to pain. She chews on things to get the same stimuli we do just from out surroundings. She prefers power cords which are plugged into the wall. She’ll chew all the way down to the bare wires in less than two minutes. I know. I found out the hard way.
I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She has gone from ignoring our very existence unless she needed something, to spontaneous hugs. She laughs and plays. She is mischievous and fun to watch.
I long for the day when she will say, “I love you, Mommy” without being prompted and just repeating it. I long for the day when she can tell me what she’s thinking and understand communication. That may never happen. My mommy’s heart breaks sometimes when I think about it.
But with all of this, I wouldn’t change anything. We have to rely so fully on God to tell us what steps to take next in dealing with the symptoms we face each day. Where should she go to school? How long until we move her from on Sunday School class into the next when her age group has moved up? What activities is she capable of being involved in with the family and understand? Who should be allowed to watch her? Heard a horrid story on the news of a child with an IQ of 50 being sexually abused by someone who was supposed to be helping her at school! I shudder to think of the world my daughter is going to be growing into.
My newest motto is “Though You slay me, yet will I trust You.” The actual quoted Scripture is Job 13:15 “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him.” NASU
I have to let go of MY ideas of what life should be and focus on what HIS plan is for that day. This is not MY life to live. It is the life He’s given me and I have a purpose from Him for the living of it. For now, it’s being a mommy to someone who is so precious as to be entrusted only to me and my husband. The honor is overwhelming to say the least.
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