A dream realized!
In every person's life there are "big dreams." They are the ones that seem unreachable, yet are fun to think about just the same.
This week (1/8 & 1/9) you'll have the chance to experience one of my dreams with me by listening to my broadcast on Focus on the Family Daily Radio!
Listen in to Focus on the Family on your local station! Or ... if you can tune in, request a copy of the broadcast here:
Part 1 (Jan. 8th)
http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001703.cfmPart 2 (Jan. 9th)
http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001704.cfmAlso, as a BONUS I'll be chatting on the Focus on the Family Marriage Forum.
Come chat with me!
Finally, if you like the broadcast,
please email FOF and let them know you'd like to hear more broadcasts for Gen Xers ... and those in our generation! Also, thank them for having me on!
Tricia
Labels: dreams and goals, focus on the family, FOTF, generation x, interview
Married with Children...Part 3
“Nothing ever lasts forever,” sang Tears for Fears (remember them?). “Everybody wants to rule the world.”
The cool thing is that as parents, you do. For a short time you and your spouse make up your child’s entire world, for better or worse.
You’ve witnessed how our generation was affected by what happened in our world as we grew up. Well, your marriage—you and your spouse working together—will have the same impact on your kids.
There is so much I could talk about when it comes to raising kids…and in fact I did, in
Generation NeXt Parenting. But overall, here is our top twelve list of the best things a married couple can do TOGETHER for their kids:
1. Spend time working out a philosophy of discipline and child training.
2. Read the Bible together…and let your kids see you do it. Read the Bible to your kids, too.
3. Study Christian parenting books.
4. Talk to people whose children you admire.
5. Have daily “couch time” where your kids see the two of you talking about your day. It will give them security to see their parents communicate. They will know all is well in their world.
6. Never disagree about discipline in front of the children. Children know how to play one parent against the other.
7. Be loyal to one another and stand by each other, even when you don’t think the other person has handled the situation correctly. It’s better to work it out afterward, in private.
8. Let loose once in a while. Life doesn’t always have to be serious.
9. Pray together as a family.
10. Love one another and show your loyalty to each other.
11. Let the kids see you handle disagreements and resolutions respectfully.
12. Trust that God chose you and your spouse specifically for this job. He placed you together in this time in history, with these kids, for a reason.
Labels: generation x, marriage, parenting, parenting advice
Married with Children...Part 2
A Plan and a Purpose
“Marriage is a purposeful relationship. All research indicates that an intimate marriage provides the safest and most productive climate for raising children,” writes Gary Chapman, author of The Four Seasons of Marriage. The more time parents spend talking about issues, taking parenting classes, and providing a united front, the more purposeful their parenting. They can come up with a plan and help each other implement it.
Husbands and wives also bring unique input and insight, depending on how they were raised and the type of resources they turn to for advice.
Parents today are becoming better educated about the needs of their children and being more intentional about their parenting. They make more sacrifices and work harder at building relationship with their kids than the parents of Xers did, resulting in closer relationship between N-Geners and their parents.
Of course, joining together as a team is sometimes easier said than done. Dr. John Roseman writes, “Today’s typical wife, as soon as she becomes a parent, begins to act as if she took a marriage vow that read, ‘I take you to be my husband, until children do us part.’”
I remember a time not too long ago when a wife who became a mother remained first and foremost a wife. Whether they had children or not, women who worked outside the home were referred to as “working wives,” and women who worked in the home were “housewives.”
But a change has occurred in the language we use to describe a woman’s employment status. Today, a woman who stays home with her children is called a “working mom” or “stay-at-home mom.” Some consider this an improvement, but I think it reflects a dangerous shift in focus from wife to mother. In other words, societal attention has moved away from the marriage and onto the children.
Roseman goes on to say: “This shift came about largely because America shifted to a self-esteem based child-rearing philosophy, and women became persuaded that the mother who paid the most attention to and did the most for her child was the best mom of them all.”
I watch this perception play out in the lives of many women I know. Gen-Xers are very focused on their children—sometimes to the point of sacrificing their marriages. And I know firsthand, because for many years I placed more emphasis on my role as mom than my role as wife. My time, energy, devotion went to the kids first, and John got the leftovers.
It wasn’t until the kids were in middle school that I realized the best thing I can do for my kids is to love their dad. Their very lives depend upon the strength of our relationship; if it crumbles, their world does too.
Additionally, the way John and I interact serves as our children’s model for marriage. In fact, the type of marriage I have with John is most likely the kind my kids will have too. That’s huge.
Labels: child rearing, generation x, generational differences, marriage, parenting
Married with Children...Part 1
Children are a welcome addition to families, but their presence unquestionably affects every aspect of married life. In our child-centered society, it is important to focus on is God and each other…even with little ones wrapped around our knees. Of course, Cory was already nine months old when John and I got married—we had a ready-made family. Having two more kids in the next three years added to the fun.
Needless to say, we all had some adjusting to do in our first years of marriage. For example, Cory liked to sleep with mom and didn’t want another guy taking his place. On the nights when he found his way into our bed, he’d turn sideways and kick John with all his might. And who said babies are innocent?
But this wasn’t even our biggest struggle. Rather, it was my belief that I knew best when it came to raising kids. After all, I was a stay-at-home mom and around the kids all day. How dare John come home from work and have different ideas about how things should run? Let’s just say it caused more than one moment of conflict.
“No matter how many children God gives you, it’s important to operate jointly in parenting,” say Dennis and Barbara Rainey, authors of Staying Close. “Again and again, I see families where the woman is expected to raise the kids. Contrary to male expectations, women are not made physically, emotionally, or spiritually to rear children by themselves.”
Over time, and after a lot of frustration, I figured out three things: 1) John sometimes knew what he was talking about, 2) I could learn from his ideas, and 3) the kids benefited from enjoying a close relationship with their dad.
John was firm but loving. And he was fun. By raising our kids together, instead of trying to balance marriage and solo parenting, my life got easier in many ways.
Hmmmm… maybe that’s why God designed children to be raised by both a mother and father?
Labels: child rearing, gender defferences, generation x, marriage
Are you a Stealth Fighter parent?
I found this on a blog called
GenerationXpert:
Gen Xers are being noticed for their parenting.
They are being called
Stealth Fighter Parents because they are “even more protective, digitally keyed-in for constant surveillance, sharp eyes on the target, and ready to strike at a moment’s notice to defend their children’s interests,” according to Neil Howe and William Strauss, authors of Millennials Go to College. Although my kids are really young, this makes a lot of sense to me.
As Gen Xers we do tend to question a lot of things - and we are skeptical. I think that our kids benefit from that. I know that I am not afraid to stand up to anyone on behalf of my kids.It's often said that Generation X can not effect change because of there not enough of us. However, since we are parenting the largest generation in American history, I believe we have unimaginable impact. The hand that rocks the cradle...
So what do you think? Are you a stealth fighter or a
helicopter?
Stop Lurking! Every week I will draw names for a free Tricia Goyer book from those who comment on my blogs. Winner's choice! Tell your friends.
Labels: generation x, millennials, parenting, teenagers
What A Wife Says
Good morning, husband.
Can you believe we’re finally married?
What would you like for dinner?
You’re the best.
Don’t worry I’ll take care of it.
Sorry . . . I forgot.
But, I’ve always done it that way.
Yes, I, uh, think it’s a great gift.
I don’t believe that’s what you told me.
Let’s just try.
Guess what? You’re going to be a daddy!
You want what name?!
That’s not funny.
Don’t touch me.
Hold me.
You did this to me!
Oh, he looks like you . . .
It’s your turn tonight.
You found a babysitter? Are you sure? Can we trust her?
Wow, you found a babysitter! You’re the best.
Yes, I still love you.
I’ll be off in a minute.
Can we call for a pizza?
I’m too tired tonight.
Oh, baby!
I was hoping for a chance to talk.
I’m sleeping on the couch.
You’re working late again?
I’m going to my mothers.
I’m sorry.
But we didn’t have money for that.
You signed him up for what?
Yes, I really needed it, even if it was on clearance.
But you promised . . .
It’s exactly what I wanted! Thanks!
I love it when you do that.
Why did you do that?
You’re so insensitive.
You’re the greatest man who ever lived.
He got that from your side of the family.
You deal with it.
I can’t believe it’s just us again.
Yes, let’s go!
I’m tired.
You make me feel so alive.
Let me rub your shoulders.
You shouldn’t have.
No, you didn’t!
You won’t believe who called today . . .
Let’s sleep in.
A dog?
A new car?
Well, you’re no spring chicken, either.
I’m too young to be a grandma.
We always go there on vacation.
Let’s try something new.
I like things the way they were.
I like things they way they are now.
Isn’t that turned up a little loud?
I love being your wife.
Remember when . . .
Maybe we should have the doctor check that out.
You always make me smile.
You know me as well as I know myself.
Thank you.
You’re so thoughtful.
How can I live without you?
Yes, I’ll be brave.
I’m going to miss you.
You were forever my true love.
Goodbye.
Labels: generation x, husbands and wives, marriage, wife
Prayer Changes Things
1Timothy 2:1, 3 (The Message) The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know…This is the way our savior God wants us to live.
More than anything, parenting takes courage. There is no going with the flow, no just trying to slide by, when it comes to raising kids.
As we enter the uphill battle of child rearing, we must trust the success of our parenting to God. Prayer is key. Sometimes situations are hard to see, and we feel like we are blindly tramping around. In raising kids in this day and age, we need to take all our needs before God and leave the results to Him. In prayer we plead our case before God, we get God’s perspective, and gain confidence and courage.
God doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way we hoped or expected, but we can trust that He will answer our prayer in the best way, not just sometimes, but every time.
As Gen X parents, we know that these are trying times to be raising children, but we must realize that we are parents now, not by chance, but by design. God has called us to parent specifically during this time in history.
Here are some scriptures for your parenting journey:
1. Prayers of need (Psalm 55:22, Jeremiah 17:7-8)
2. Prayers of thanksgiving (Psalm 40:5, Romans 11:33)
3. Prayers for seeking families (Matthew 11:25, Psalm 116:6-7)
4. Prayers for generations (Psalm 105:708, Psalm 100:5)
©Tricia Goyer
Labels: generation x, god, parenting, prayer
Generation X and money...
I did a little research and found that money is a big issue for us Xers (no surprise there). Check these out!
Generation X Finance helping a unique generation achieve financial independence
Sample post:
The Gen X Guide to Stretching Your DollarWhile I don’t like to regurgitate articles found on other sites very often I did stumble across one this morning that couldn’t be more appropriate for this site. Yahoo! Finance has a piece titled The Gen X Guide to Stretching Your Dollar which was actually a piece picked up from Reuters. Either way, the article doesn’t bring anything earth-shattering to the table but there are some key points to take away from it./Bicentennial Baby musings on Political, Economic, Social Issues Facing Generation X and Gen Y
Sample post:
We Do In Fact Have It Worse Than Our FathersMore evidence is out there suggesting that our generation is falling further into economic disparity. More evidence is out there suggesting that the American dream is becoming unattainable. A deadly combination of outsourcing and productivity gains are bankrupting the future of a generation that is already profoundly aware that they will have little if any Social Security. There is no more time for a bullhorn we need a damn battering ram. Gen X / Gen Y read below and then call your congressman…
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — American men in their 30s are earning less than their father’s generation did, challenging a long-held belief that each generation will be better off than the one that preceded it, according to a new study published Friday.
The report, the first in an ongoing 18-month study on economic mobility in the United States, also revealed that the income growth of the median American household is declining.
The study was produced by a handful of politically diverse think tanks including the Pew Charitable Trusts, the American Enterprise Institute, the Brookings Institute, the Heritage Foundation and the Urban Institute. It looked at income levels of American men in their 30s, which can be a good indicator of lifetime income.
Relying on Census Bureau figures, the study’s authors found that after adjusting for inflation, men in their 30s in 2004 had a median income of about $35,000 per year, for a 12 percent drop compared with $40,000 per year for men in the same age group in 1974.
That stood in stark contrast to men in their 30s in 1994, who earned 5 percent more than their fathers did.
Similarly, American families, which experienced a 32 percent increase in income levels between 1964 and 1994, saw household income growth slow to 9 percent between 1974 and 2004, according to the report.
“There is clearly some story here that [U.S.] productivity gains are not trickling down to the median family,” said John Morton, a co-author of the study and the managing director of economic policy initiatives at the Pew Charitable Trusts.
Even as male incomes have declined and household income growth has slowed, the nation’s productivity has remained robust. While the two once kept pace with each other, U.S. productivity has quickly outpaced income growth since the mid-1970s, according to the report.
The study’s authors, who plan to examine relative mobility, or the ability of Americans to move up or or down in social strata, said their report shows the canonical belief in an American meritocracy may be unraveling.
“The expectation that each generation will do better than their parents has become a fundamental part of what we call ‘The American Dream,’” said Morton. “But this new analysis suggests this bedrock belief may be shifting under our feet.”
~~And here's a book on the subject--
Generation Debt: How Our Future Was Sold Out for Student Loans, Bad Jobs, NoBenefits, and Tax Cuts for Rich Geezers--And How to Fight Back. Synopsis: A new book tackles the 18-to-35-year-old generation's problems--those they face and those they create.Kamenetz believes the younger generation is hampered by the fact that salaries and job opportunities haven't kept up with drastically increasing costs of living. Because of the exorbitant cost of college, many young people can't afford to go, and those who do go graduate with huge debt. Graduates expect to pay off those loans once they get jobs, but entry-level jobs often come with low wages. The job prospects are even worse for those who don't finish or who don't go to college at all--some can't even afford living on their own, another drastically increased cost. The solution to these problems? Kamenetz makes a passionate argument for young people to take action, such as lobbying the government as a cohesive group and being practical and frugal about money matters.
Labels: finances, generation x, generational statistics, money
Presley, Hendrix, MTV, or Cobain?
Here is an interesting article about my generation--X and the one after me, millennials. The article talks about each generation's employability, but still offers some good.
Generation X and The Millennials: What You Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generations by Diane Thielfoldt and Devon Scheef August 2004 Which of the following means the most to you?
Elvis joins the Army.
Jimi Hendrix dies
MTV debuts.
Kurt Cobain dies.
Your answer, of course, depends on your age—or more specifically, on the generation you belong to. While pop music milestones may not seem all that important, the sum total of experiences, ideas and values shared by people of different generations makes for a melting pot of work approaches and priorities. Once you understand where the newer generations are "coming from," as a Boomer (born 1946-1964) might say, it’s easy to target your mentoring style to bring out their strengths and make the most progress. Remember to discard biases and pre-conceived notions, and you and your mentees from all generations enjoy your generational differences—and similarities!
Generation X: Declaring their Independence
The 51 million members of Generation X, born between 1965 and 1976, grew up in a very different world than previous generations. Divorce and working moms created "latchkey" kids out of many in this generation. This led to traits of independence, resilience and adaptability. Generation X feels strongly that "I don't need someone looking over my shoulder."
At the same time, this generation expects immediate and ongoing feedback, and is equally comfortable giving feedback to others. Other traits include working well in multicultural settings, desire for some fun in the workplace and a pragmatic approach to getting things done.
Generation X saw their parents get laid off or face job insecurity. Many of them also entered the workplace in the early '80s, when the economy was in a downturn. Because of these factors, they've redefined loyalty. Instead of remaining loyal to their company, they have a commitment to their work, to the team they work with, and the boss they work for.
For example, a Baby Boomer complains about his dissatisfaction with management, but figures its part of the job. A Gen Xer doesn't waste time complaining-she sends her resume out and accepts the best offer she can find at another organization.
read the rest...Labels: baby boomer, employment, generation x, generational differences, generational statistics, millennials
His faithful servants...
One thing about Gen Xers is that we often have splintered family relationships. Personally I have a mom, a biological dad I didn’t know until I was 27, and three step-dads, the second of which raised me.
Of course, you can imagine the half-siblings, distant cousins, and other new family members that are thrown into the mix.
Well, a few weeks ago I was able to meet my grandpa for the first time. This is my real, paternal grandfather. His blood pumps through my veins.
With my grandfather also came stories of my heritage of my great-grandfather, great-great grandfathers . . . and on.
One thing that I found was amazing was that I discovered I came through a whole line of missionaries and church planters—men and women who loved God with all their heart.
It’s taken me a few weeks for this to sink in. It also made me realize God’s promises are true. God is with the children, grandchildren, and great-great children of His faithful servants. God found me, used me, worked through me … even when I didn’t even know this heritage. God had answered their prayers even when they couldn’t imagine me … and even when I didn’t know they existed.
Pretty amazing, don’t you think?!
Labels: church planters, generation x, god, grandfathers, heritage, missionaries, parents
It's My Anniversary!
I wonder how many 35-year-olds can say they've been with their spouse half their life? On April 7, I will be married 17 years. John and I started dating when I was 17. (It's not my b-day. I was actually born 7-17-1971.)
This is highly unusual (not that I'll be 35, but that I've been married for 17 years). I think there are a few factors. But before I get to that, I have to say my marriage was NOT without struggle. I was a teen mom and had a baby when I married. (I didn't marry the father of my baby.) My parents had a difficult marriage, and I had no good role model. The first years were hard.
Also, I haven't gone through my marriage without temptation. In fact, last year my first boyfriend contacted me. He found my name on Classmates.com. He told me he'd been thinking about me for 20 years. He named his daughter after me. He said he loved me. He said we were soulmates, etc. My emotions were out of control.
It was exactly what I wanted to hear (it is flattering) ... but not what I needed at all. I told my Christian friends. I told my husband. I needed accountability, and I made them keep me accountable. I broke off communication, and every day for a year I was tempted to contact him. (Was he still thinking about me?) BUT I decided to stay committed to my husband.
I longed for an undivided heart. I worked (even more) on my marriage. My husband and I started reading a chapter of a marriage book EVERY DAY. We started reading our Bible and praying together. And we opened up lines of communication. Soon my emotions for the old flame faded and my love for my husband grew and grew. Yet, I have so many friends who've gone the other way ... only to find they aren't happy with the 2nd guy, or 3rd and more than they were with the 1st.
Recently the New York Times had a report that stated that more women are single than married. Here are some reasons why I think more women are single:
1. Gen Xers grew up with divorce. We know how painful it was being shuttled from mom and dad and having to chose sides. We think that by marrying later we will marry smarter. Or if we just live with a guy and break up that it's not the same as being divorced. Because of our pain, we don't give ourselves completely to another person.
2. Also, women today think that EMOTIONS rule. We are angry, we want out. We are depressed, so we deserve better. We feel attraction and desire for someone else and think we must follow it. We have set our emotions on a throne above all else and live our lives by how we FEEL.
3. When we don't have certain needs that are met, we search for some way to fill them. Like other men. Of course, when that doesn't work, we usually find ourselves alone again.
I've spent the last few years of researching this generation and finding out what makes us tick. These are few of the things I've found. Of course, you may not agree! I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Labels: dating, faithfulness, generation x, marriage, women
Generation NeXt Parenting Bible study...
Starting this week, I'm going to be leading a Bible Study on Generation NeXt Parenting on
www.CafeMom.com
It's part of the Bible Babes Bible Study Group.
We will read one chapter a week and the go over the Scripture verses and discussion questions. Each week we will talk about parenting in light of Scripture.
The book is not about "how to parent," but "how to turn to God as a parent" during this time in history.
Labels: bible study, cafemom.com, generation x
Guest Blogger...Cara Putnam
Dreaming Big Things with God
Over the last few years, my husband and I have found ourselves going to the movies less and watching much less TV than we used to. We try to carefully screen what our kids are exposed to and check that it lines up with our values. Some days it is easier than others. I’ve been encouraged to see more films release that have values I can get excited about.
Last week my mom and I went to see
Amazing Grace, just such a film.
It has me inspired and ready to run to the library to track down biographies on
William Wilberforce and
William Pitt. I left the theater thinking, "God, can You use me like that?"
William Wilberforce was challenged by his friend William Pitt (the youngest Prime Minister ever in Great Britain when he was elected in 1783 at the age of 24 – anyone else feeling like you haven’t done much with your life!?!?!) to tackle the slave trade. By the way, Wilberforce was 20 when he was elected to Parliament!
But you know what? William Wilberforce’s dream of ending the slave trade took YEARS to see to fruition. And those weren't years sat waiting passively. His health was wrecked. His reputation was questioned. He and his team gathered all kinds of evidence about the evils of the slave trade. And after fifteen years of fighting he was ready to give up. I don't know about you, but after that kind of energy investment and personal cost, I might be tempted to give up, too.
But got sent people to encourage him. And others with fresh ideas on how to proceed. They went from expecting 100% change at one time to willingness to chip away at the evil. Then they were ready to play the game.
Are there dreams that have lain dormant in your heart for years? The ones that you’re not even sure if you can see under the layers of dust and life issues piled on top of them? I know that God’s been whispering in my heart that it’s time to blow on those dreams and ask Him if now is the time. Maybe He’s saying the same thing to you.
If you haven't seen this movie yet, go. But only go if you're willing to be inspired and challenged. We don't have to make a choice between loving God and changing the world. When He plants a dream in our heart...we can do both!
Now on to see
The Ultimate Gift. Sounds like a great date for my birthday this weekend.
Labels: cara putnam, generation x, movies, william pitt, william wilberforce
Generation Y
Here is an article from
USA Today, by Sharon Jayson. Generation Y is the next generation after us (Generation X)! I'd love point-by-point stats on these topics for Xer's to see how we compare. My intitial thought is that Xers and Yers are very different. Any thoughts?
The views of young people today on politics, social attitudes and life goals are far different from their baby boomer parents', a national survey of 18- to 25-year-olds suggests.
More than two-thirds (67%) believe immigrants strengthen American society; a quarter favor increasing legal immigration.
Just 47% of those ages 41 to 60 say immigrants strengthen society; among those 26 and older, 16% say immigration should increase.
While young people are split over gay marriage (47% in favor, 46% opposed), those over 25 are not: 64% oppose same-sex marriage; 30% favor it.
"This is a more tolerant generation than its predecessors," says Scott Keeter of Pew Research Center, which surveyed 579 young adults and 922 adults 26 and older.
The findings that this generation's top life goals are to be rich (81%) and famous (51%) contrast with a 1967 study of college freshmen in which 85.8% said it was essential to develop "a meaningful philosophy of life," while 41.9% thought it essential to be "very well off financially."
The Pew survey asked more than 75 questions on issues from world events to politics to tattoos and binge drinking. Keeter says the study, in which 130 people were called on cellphones because they don't have a landline, is among the most extensive of this age group.
Keeter doesn't expect views on social issues to become more conservative with time. "One can imagine the complexion of these issues changing pretty significantly when this generation is in positions of power and authority," he says.
Among other findings:
•32% attend church at least once a week; 20% have no religious affiliation or are atheist or agnostic.
•48% identify more with Democrats; 35% with Republicans.
•36% have a tattoo and 30% a body piercing in a place other than an ear lobe; 25% have dyed their hair a non-traditional color.
Overall, these young adults are content with their lives and optimistic about the future: 84% say their life is excellent or good; 14% say fair or poor.
The poll was part of MacNeil/Lehrer Productions' Generation Next project. The margin of error for ages 18-25 is plus or minus 5 percentage points; for the overall poll, plus or minus 3.5 percentage points.
Labels: generation x, generation y, generational differences, generational statistics, macneil/lehrer productions, pew research center
